a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
