addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
