Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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