i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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