Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
