Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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