I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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