What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
