So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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