You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
