Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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