shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
