I am puke
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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