he wants to bone in the snuggie
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
