She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
