and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
