so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
