its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
