I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
