this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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