he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
