ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
