one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
