I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
