I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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