I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
