it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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