how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
