Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
