my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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