I'm eating all of the evidence.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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