I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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