so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
