New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
