Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
