Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
