There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
