how can u be prego again
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
