but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
