Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize