My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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