So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
