actually, I'm a sock model
I puked a lego.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
