Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
