that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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