??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
