Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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