Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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