I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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