i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
