So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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