I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
