Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He? As in you personified your dick?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize