That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
