Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
