hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
