you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
