He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
