I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
