he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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