I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
