dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
