you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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