So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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