I just saw a hot homeless man
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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