and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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